Validation on Valetine's day: Who are we dressing for?
By Florenne Earle Ledger published 08/02/2024
Whilst I love silly little occasions that make day-to-day life more interesting, Valentine’s day does feel a little pointless in the grand scheme of things. I know I'm not alone in my view that much like Halloween, Valentine’s day leads to a lot of unnecessary consumption and not much else. With that in mind, it’s the perfect time to consider how seeking romantic validation goes hand in hand with buying clothes you don’t really need.
Buying new to feel better
It’s not just a Valentine’s day thing, buying new clothes has always been considered an easy way to boost your confidence and feel more worthy of attention/validation. Different journalists have explored the idea that the pressure to be romantically involved with someone increases in the winter months generally, and Valentine’s day only adds to this. Whether you want to look good for a date or impress yourself, marketing campaigns everywhere are telling you that treating yourself will make you feel better.
Buying a new outfit just for a date was normalised in countless 2000s rom coms, filled with montages of men and women scrambling to decide what to wear or running around a shopping mall to find a new outfit for a date. Whether or not they bought something new, the emphasis on how you look leading to a successful date has been popularised ever since I can remember.
In today’s society looking good often means being on trend, which leads to a new purchase to keep up with ever changing trend cycles. We asked our followers if they’ve ever been victim to this cycle, here’s what they said:
Clearly from our Wheres responses, many of us have been tricked into thinking we need to buy something new to feel our best on a date. Coupling this with the fact the whole ‘treat yourself to a pair of new shoes’ or ‘you deserve it’ marketing is pushed around Valentine’s day, it’s no wonder people feel inclined to make a new purchase, either for a date or just to lift their self esteem.
It’s gone further than getting gifts for loved ones and moved on to getting yourself a Valentine’s day gift. Self love should be a priority, but ‘buying material things isn’t going to get you there, that requires deep work that you invest in yourself and in your personal growth’ as Tiwalola Ogunlesi told Whering a couple of years ago.
It feels like something that started as a day to show someone you love how you feel has been overshadowed by the need to buy something new to express love, whether it’s for yourself or someone else. The human connection element of Valentine’s day is what we should be focussed on, but thanks to capitalism and countless 2000s films it’s gotten lost in translation.
What can we do about it?
Shifting the focus away from what we’re wearing, but we’re doing on Valentine’s day is a good place to start. Whether it’s a cute Galentine’s dinner party, a solo cinema date or a romantic dinner, it’s the experience that counts.
Unlearning that new clothes make us more worthy of validation is crucial. Everyone deserves validation in their truest form, new clothes don’t add to our value.
When buying new clothes and following trends you can detract from your personal style, rather than showing who you are. Wearing a tried and tested favourite outfit is a great way to show your personal style and utilise clothes you already own.
Is there a link between unfulfilling relationships and buying into trends?
Often in unfulfilling relationships we may find ourselves trying to be a version of ‘us’ we think the other person wants more than our true self. In the past I have downplayed aspects of my style in order to “please” people and possibly avoid rejection. In dating/relationships, being yourself can feel daunting or like it might be unrewarding.
It might sound like a stretch, but the process of giving time to someone who doesn’t reciprocate the respect you give to them has some parallels with buying fast fashion. Buying into a trend because you think it’s what you should be wearing is a trap we have most likely all found ourselves in. In the same way, it can be hard to break away from people even when we know they aren’t the best for us. Just like investing in clothes that truly represent your true style and will benefit your wardrobe by unlocking more potential from your existing pieces, whoever you spend your time with should be adding value to your life, in whatever form you’re looking for.
What can we do instead?
Spend time thinking about clothes that make you feel good, like the best version of yourself, and prioritise wearing these pieces and investing in similar items in the future.
Enjoy using style as a form of self expression and let go of people who don’t celebrate your individuality with you. Plenty of people out there will, so go and find them.
Seek validation from within by satisfying your expectations of yourself and wearing things that you truly love. Try not to spend time feeding into who someone wants you to be, but who you know you are.
Something on your mind?
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